{"id":626,"date":"2026-09-17T09:44:55","date_gmt":"2026-09-17T04:44:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/?p=626"},"modified":"2026-09-17T09:44:55","modified_gmt":"2026-09-17T04:44:55","slug":"tanishuv","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/?p=626","title":{"rendered":"Tanishuv"},"content":{"rendered":"

MADINABONU O\u2018RINOVA<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yonimda sham yonib tursa, yolg\u2018izligim biroz ortga chekinadi. Yonginamda o\u2018tirgan kimsaning issiq taftini his qilganim kabi shamdan ham xuddi shunday iliqlikni tuyaman. Uning yonida o\u2018tirib mutolaa qilish yoqadi, noutbukimni ochib yonida ishlash sevimli ovunchog\u2018im. Sap-sariq shamning erib bitishini tomosha qilishni ham yoqtiraman. Kosaga yoyilib daryo bo\u2018lib qotgan sham qoldiqlarini barmog\u2018im bilan o\u2018yib, turli-tuman shakllar berib huzur qilaman.<\/p>\n

Odatlanib qolgan sham bilan bo\u2018ladigan ermaklarim uzoqqa bormadi. Yozni onam bilan o\u2018tkazganim, katalakdek uyimga onamning ko\u2018chib kelishi va tinim bilmas bu ayolning hayot tarzimni tubdan o\u2019zgartirib yuborishini tasavvur ham qilmagandim. Onam uyimga kelsa, o\u2018zini yosh qizlik paytiga tushib qolgandek his qiladi. Xonamni bezagan buyumlar, rasmlar, taqinchoq va pardoz-upalarim, hamma-hammasini bir qator kuzatib teginib chiqqach, yangi olgan kiyimlarini har kech kiyib, menga ko\u2019rsatib maqtanadi. Bebaho va topilmas ayol. Unga qarab qachon birga yashashni to\u2018xtatganimiz, hayot tarzimizning tubdan o\u2018zgarib ketgani va qachondan bu qadar uzoqlashganimiz haqida o\u2018ylay ketaman. U singlimga aylanib qolgandek go\u2018yo. Sham yoqish odatimni ham to\u2018xtatdim. Chunki onam xonachamga ana shu sham misol kirib kelgandi.<\/p>\n

Men o\u2018zimni ichdan yolg\u2018iz his qilmaganman. Ichdan yolg\u2018izlanish uchun vaj yo\u2018q menda. Miyamda javlon urgan fikrlar na kunduzi, na kechasi tinchlik beray demaydi. O\u2018zimdan qoniqmaslik, nimadir qilishim kerak, degan o\u2018y doimiy xayollar og\u2018ushiga chorlaydi. Tushunilish hissidan mosuvo bo\u2018lsagina, ichdan yolg\u2018izlanadi kishi. Bu tuyg\u2018u og\u2018ir: kishi sevilmasa, tushunilmasa, o\u2018z-o\u2018zini namoyon qilishdan tiyilsa, ichdan yemirilishni boshlaydi. Chin yolg\u2018izlik shu bo\u2018lsa ajab emas.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Onamning paydo bo\u2019lishi ichki olamimga putur yetkazmadi yoki uni to\u2018ldirmadi. Tashqi yolg\u2018izligimga nuqta qo\u2018ydi, xolos. Barchasi sirtdan kuzatildi. Bir qarashda butunlay begona, yangidan kashf qilingan kishi bilan yashayotgan bo\u2018lsam, boshqa tomondan yiroqdagi yaqinim yonimga ko\u2018chib kelgandek edi. Shamdek yal-yal yonardi onam. Uni bunchayin maftunkor va go\u2018zal holatda sira ko\u2018rmagan edim. Yillar bizga shu qadar ta\u2019sir qilgan ediki, bir-birimizga boqqan chog\u2018imiz xayollari ikki qutb, ammo jismi bir-biriga yaqin ikki kishini ko\u2018rardik. U ellikdan yigirma yoshiga qaytgandi, men esa u bosib o\u2018tgan yo\u2018l bo\u2018sag\u2018asida \u2013 chalkash xayollar, ayni hal qiluvchi qarorlarimni amalga oshirish pallasida \u2013 turgan edim. Nafsilamrini aytganda, biz bir-birimizni to\u2018ldirayotgandik. Unda mujassam hayot tajribasi va quvvatdan ilhom olganim sayin u mendagi yoshlik va yangilik nafasini so\u2018rib olayotgandi.<\/p>\n

Shu muddat davomida yig\u2018idan boshim chiqmadi. O\u2018sha kunlari ichim ham yolg\u2018izlanib qolgandi. Ichimda yig\u2018ilgan g\u2018uborlarni onam bahona chiqardimmi, xullas, sababsiz yo sababli beto\u2018xtov yig\u2018lardim. Onam uchun bu yo yosh bolacha injiqlik, yo behuda havotir aralash o\u2018ylab topilgan muammo ustida bosh qotirishdek tuyulardi. O\u2018zim ham bu ho\u2018ng-ho\u2018ng yig\u2018ilarning qanchalik mayda va ahamiyatsiz ekani, kayfiyatning mavsumiy o\u2018zgarishi misol o\u2018ylashga arzimasligini tushunib turgandim. Ammo ichimdagi kuch mendan ayro edi-da, meni yig\u2018lashga giriftor etgandi. Ichimdagidan xalos bo\u2018lishdan ham ko\u2018ra onamning bunga munosabati va aytajak gapi muhim edi. Hamma onalar singari u meni tingladi. Eshita-eshita oxiri, yur, senga manti qilishni o\u2018rgataman, kuzatib o\u2018tirasan, deya meni olib ketdi. Onam stolda xamir yozgan mahal har bir ishni ustalik bilan bajarayotgani, epchil barmoqlari va qunt bilan ishiga berilib ketganini kuzatib o\u2018tirdim. Xayolimda manti tayyorlashni soatlab vaqtni oladigan, mushkul va adog\u2018i yo\u2018q ish, deb o\u2018ylardim. Ajabo, onamning qo\u2018llari bilan yarim soatga qolmay mantilar aylanasiga qator taxlanib bo\u2018lgandi. Jim o\u2018tirib ovqatlandik, gapirishni istamasdim, mantining ta\u2019midan lazzatlanardim. Kechki sayr davomida ham bu mavzuga qayta to\u2018xtalmadik, har joydan suhbat qilib uyga qaytdik.<\/p>\n

O\u2018sha mahal onam menga boqib o\u2018zining yoshlikdagi qiyofasiga yuzlangandir, menga qaragan ko\u2018yi boshidan kechirgan o\u2018xshash voqealarni xotirlagandir. Tashvishlarimning qanchalik mayda va yechimi shu qadar sodda ekanligini anglatmoqlik uchun manti tayyorlab ko\u2018rsatib bergandir. Muammolarning o\u2018tkinchi ekanligini bildirish uchun jarayonni oxirigacha kuzatib o\u2018tirishga chaqirgandir. U tashvishlanayotgandi, qizi uchun achinib kechasi o\u2018y surib chiqqani ham kunday ravshan edi. Miyamda chuvalashib yotgan, qilinishi kerak bo\u2018lgan ishlarni aytib yig\u2018lagandim o\u2019shanda. Ancha vaqt o\u2018tib oyim ahvolimni so\u2019raganida bu ishlarning qay birini boshlashim va qay birini qo\u2018yib yuborishim kerakligi haqida maslahat berdi. Bu payt allaqachon tinchlanib xuddi onamniki singari rejalarni miyamda pishitib qo\u2018ygandim. Onam menga o\u2018rgatmadi, balki meni o\u2019z-o\u2019zimga qaytarib berdi va yechim o\u2018zimda ekaniga ishontirdi.<\/p>\n

Shamga uzoq termulib o\u2018tirsangiz, alanga bir jonlanib oqish-sarg\u2018ish tusga kirib olishi, bir zaifgina mitti cho\u2018g\u2018ga aylanib qolishiga guvoh bo\u2018lasiz. Hayot ham aslida shunday, o\u2018t bo\u2018lib alangalanasiz, uchasiz; ba\u2019zida esa mitti uchqun misol so\u2018nib qolasiz. Yana qayta tirilasiz, kezi kelganda chekinasiz. Asosiysi, bu shamga uzoq tikilib qolmaslikdir. Uni yonimga olaman, taftidan bahramand bo\u2018lib ishlashda davom etaman, so\u2018lib qolganida esa xuddi muammoga turli tomondan yechim izlaganim kabi shamga shakl beraman.<\/p>\n

Onam ketdi. So\u2018ng sham yoqmadim.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

MADINABONU O\u2018RINOVA Yonimda sham yonib tursa, yolg\u2018izligim biroz ortga chekinadi. Yonginamda o\u2018tirgan kimsaning issiq taftini his qilganim kabi shamdan ham xuddi shunday iliqlikni tuyaman. Uning yonida o\u2018tirib mutolaa qilish yoqadi, noutbukimni ochib yonida ishlash sevimli ovunchog\u2018im. Sap-sariq shamning erib bitishini tomosha qilishni ham yoqtiraman. Kosaga yoyilib daryo bo\u2018lib qotgan sham qoldiqlarini barmog\u2018im bilan o\u2018yib, turli-tuman […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":628,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"tdm_status":"","tdm_grid_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-626","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-avtobiografik-esse"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/626","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=626"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/626\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":630,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/626\/revisions\/630"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/628"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=626"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=626"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=626"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}