{"id":468,"date":"2025-12-17T16:43:35","date_gmt":"2025-12-17T11:43:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/?p=468"},"modified":"2025-12-17T16:50:01","modified_gmt":"2025-12-17T11:50:01","slug":"zerikayotgan-odam","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/?p=468","title":{"rendered":"Zerikayotgan odam"},"content":{"rendered":"

O’ROL SODIQ<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0I<\/p>\n

\u2026Mening qisman bir-ikki narsaga haqqim bor bu hayotda. Men siz aytgandek emas, o\u2018zimga o\u2018xshab kun ko\u2018rishni istayman. Mayli, odamovi bo\u2018lay. \u201cTelbaroqmi?\u201d deb shubhalaning. Lekin mana shu yangrayotgan qo\u2018shiqni eshitib jilmayolmayman.<\/p>\n

O\u2018zimning ustimdan kulishga majbur etmang meni, birodar. Bunday deyishga haqqim bor. Siz esa bilganingizni qiling. Chunki sizning ham qisman haqqingiz bor. Ana, televizor, burang, \u201cmeni tashlab ketdi\u201d deb tirjayib turadi bittasi\u2026 Sevgi odamdan intellekt talab qiladimi? Nahotki, u tajriba mahsuli bo\u2018lsa\u2026 \u201cIntellektual shaxs sevgisi avomnikidan ma\u2019noliroq bo\u2018ladi\u201d degan gapga hech ishongim kelmaydi. Yuzidan yog\u2018 tomib turgan xonanda bo\u2018lsa qo\u2018shiqni tirjayib turib aytadi. Siz esa ovqatga qo\u2018shib iste\u2019mol qilasiz bu qo\u2018shiqni. Ayriliq haqida hech kim o\u2018ylamaydi. Ma\u2019nosiz ko\u2018zlarini suzib qo\u2018shiq aytayotgan xonanda ham, qisqichga qo\u2018shiq so\u2018zlarini ildirib paqqos tushirayotgan siz ham\u2026 Darvoqe, ma\u2019nosiz ko\u2018zlar. O\u2018laksaxo\u2018r quzg\u2018unlar makoni bo\u2018lmish sahro kelbat ko\u2018zlar. Bu ko\u2018zlarga ko\u2018pam mahliyo bo\u2018lmang, birodar. U tirjayyapti-ku, deb o\u2018zingizni ovutmang. Bu ko\u2018zlarda minglab shahidlar yotibdi. Bu ko\u2018zlar poklar qabristonidir.<\/p>\n

II<\/p>\n

\u2026Umrimning nechanchi kuni bilmayman, men adoyi tamom bo\u2018la boshladim. Otamga xat yozdim! \u201cOta men charchadim, ko\u2018chmoqchiman\u2026 Suyaklarim sovuqdan qisirlab borayotir. Bu hashamatli binoda yuzlab odamlar istiqomat qilishadi. Burunlari terlab, yuzlaridan yog\u2018 tomib turadi ularning. Men esa junjikib boryapman. To\u2018qqiz qovurg\u2018ali mana bu pech o\u2018zidan to\u2018xtovsiz sovuq purkayotgandek tuyulayotir. Kitoblar, kartinalar hamma-hammasi muzlatilgandek. To\u2018rt qavat ko\u2018rpada qorga ag\u2018anagandek yotaman, Ota\u2026 Ko\u2018p o\u2018tmay otamdan xat keladi. \u201cBolam, sen eng katta shaharda yashayotirsan. Bundan bo\u2018lak yana qayerga ko\u2018chmoqchisan. Har narsaga ko\u2018nglingni buzmay, ishingni qil yo qishloqqa qayt. Har holda qishloq iliqroq\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2026Men qishloqqa qaytolmasdim. Qo\u2018shiqlarni shaharda qoldirib qishloqqa qaytolmasligimni otam bilardi. Bilsa-da, \u201cqayt\u201d dedi. Mehr bilan aytdi bu so\u2018zni. Oxirgi ilinjni-da aytdi otam. Men esa bu paytda allaqachon ko\u2018chib ulgurgan edim. Boburning \u201cBahor ayyomi\u201d g\u2018azali bilan aytiluvchi bu qo\u2018shiqni biz uch kishi birga tingladik. Yuraklar ilinganday bo\u2018ldi. Ko\u2018ngilga nur indi. Qo\u2018shiq menga to\u2018qqiz qovurg\u2018ali pechlari bor ijaraxonamizdan iliqroq tuyuldi. Bu qo\u2018shiqqa tikilib hurkak qushchalarni, ko\u2018zidan yosh chiqib qah-qah urayotgan olomonni ko\u2018rmadim men. Cheksiz bir sahroni darbadar kezib, o\u2018kirib-o\u2018kirib yig\u2018lasang-da, hech kimga xalal bermaydigan, hech kim senga hayratlanib qaramaydigan sahroni ko\u2018rdim. Va erta tongda bu mamlakat darvozasini qoqdim\u2026<\/p>\n

III<\/p>\n

Bahorning ilk kunlarida biz uch birodar ijaraxonadan haydaldik. Ijarachi \u2013 ko\u2018zlari doim chaqchayib turadigan, bu dunyoda pul topishdan bo\u2018lak a\u2019moli bo\u2018lmagan, ikki lunji bo\u2018qoqdek osilib tushgan qop-qora xotin lash-lushlarimizni tashqariga uloqtirib, eshikni zichlab yopib oldi. Biz, kallasiga aql sig\u2018magan uch dalli diydirab ancha mahal ostonada turdik. Balki hovuridan tushar, rahm etar, deb kutdik. Sado bo\u2018lavermagach boshimizni egib bekat tomon yurdik.<\/p>\n

Bekatga yetib angladikki, ijarador bizning barcha buyumlarimizni uloqtirgan, ichkarida faqat sevimli hofizimizning qo\u2018shiqlari yozilgan kasseta qolgan edi. Lorsildoq bu xotin bizda shu darajada nafrat uyg\u2018otgan ediki, mabodo uning qo\u2018lida kiyim-kechagimiz yoxud boshqa bir buyumimiz qolganida qaytib bormas va unga yalinmas edik. Lekin to\u2018rt-beshta kitob va shu kassetadan bo\u2018lak bu shaharda boshqa ilinji bo\u2018lmagan g\u2018ariblar qaytish azobiga mahkum edik. \u201cQadrdon go\u2018sha\u201dga men bordim. Eshik qo\u2018ng\u2018irog\u2018ini bosishim bilan qarshimda bir juft chaqchaygan ko\u2018z, odamni ruhan toliqtiradigan qop-qora, beo\u2018xshov turq namoyon bo\u2018ldi. \u201cKassetamiz qolgan ekan\u201d dedim men. \u201cChaqasi yo\u2018g\u2018-u qo\u2018shiq eshitganiga balo bormi bularning?\u201d o\u2018dag\u2018ayladi ijarador. Men yalindim: \u201cOxirgi iltimosimizni rad etmang, sizga boshqa qoramizniyam ko\u2018rsatmaymiz, xo\u2018p deng, chiqarib bering\u2026\u201d Xullas, kasseta o\u2018ttiz so\u2018mga baholandi. O\u2018rtoqlarim yoniga borib voqeani aytganimda ular unashmadi. \u201cO\u2018ttiz so\u2018mga ikkita kasseta olsa bo\u2018ladi. Esing joyidami\u201d, deyishdi ular. Men taajjubda edim. Uning qo\u2018shiqlari yozilgan kassetani bu befarosat xotin qo\u2018lida qoldirishga ko\u2018nglim chidamas, undan qizg\u2018anar edim. Do\u2018stlarimga esa, mening kimdandir qarz olib, kassetani qaytarib olish fikrim erish tuyulib ensasi qotardi. O\u2018sha kuni, xullas, pul topdik va shaharga oqshom oralaganda kassetani olib qaytdik.<\/p>\n

IV<\/p>\n

Biz uning qo\u2018shiqlarini tinglab ulg\u2018aydik. Shundanmi, ko\u2018nglimiz armonlarga, orzularga qo\u2018nalg\u2018a bo\u2018lib qoldi. Qishloqqa borsam har gal \u201cIzlaganlar bizni sahroyi balodan izlangiz\u201d ashulasi yodimga kelaveradi. Cheksiz dashtu biyobonga tikilib, holdan toygan aftodahol oshiq yigit siymosi ko\u2018z o\u2018ngimda gavdalanadi. Bu yerlarda bir paytlar men shunday kezinganman. Mendan-da oldin ko\u2018pchilik kezingan bu yerlarda. Qo\u2018shiqni tinglab og\u2018ir-og\u2018ir xo\u2018rsinganman, yig\u2018laganman. Bir qancha oshiq yigitlar yig\u2018lagan qo\u2018shiqni eshitib. Yig\u2018ilar ko\u2018p. Garmselday mavjlanib yotibdi yig\u2018ilar.<\/p>\n

Qishloqda cho\u2018pon amakim bor. Ul hofiz qo\u2018shiq aytyapti, desa otdan tushadi. Qo\u2018shiq tugaguncha hech kimni gapirtirmaydi. Gapirayotgan odamga xo\u2018mrayib ola qaraydi. Yoshi oltmishga borayotgan bu odamga nima bo\u2018lgan ekan, deb o\u2018ylayman men. Sochlari oqargan odamning sevgi haqida qo\u2018shiq tinglab o\u2018tirishi erish tuyuladi menga. \u201cEy, bunga yetadigan yo\u2018qda. Shu eshitib o\u2018tirib-o\u2018tirib, otni minib bir yoqlarga solib ketsammi, deyman\u201d, deydi amakim. Men xavotirlanaman. Amakim hozir otga o\u2018tirib, osmonu falakka uchib ketadiganday tuyulaveradi. Men uchadigan otlar faqat ertaklarda bo\u2018lishini bilaman, shunday bo\u2018lsa-da xavotirlanaveraman.<\/p>\n

Bir ajib bog\u2018 ichra jonon<\/p>\n

o\u2018ltirur,<\/p>\n

Sochlarin yoyib shamol o\u2018ynab<\/p>\n

turur.<\/p>\n

Sezmayin qoldi yonig\u2018a<\/p>\n

borg\u2018anim,<\/p>\n

Voh, sanam, buncha parishon<\/p>\n

o\u2018ltirur.<\/p>\n

So\u2018zlar xonandaning bo\u2018g\u2018zidan alanga bo\u2018lib chiqadi. Borliq ertakka do\u2018nayotganga o\u2018xshaydi\u2026 Men bundan qo\u2018rqaman\u2026<\/p>\n

Yozning so\u2018lim oqshomlaridan birida qishloqda to\u2018y bo\u2018ldi. Amakim meni turtdi, \u201cQara, qara, o\u2018zi-ya, naq quyib qo\u2018yganday\u201d, Davrani olib borayotgan qo\u2018shiqchi bola. \u201cKo\u2018zing nozik\u2026\u201d ashulasini kuylayotgan edi bu mahal. U ovozni shu darajada o\u2018xshatayotgan ediki, olisroqda turib eshitayotgan odam to\u2018yga o\u2018sha san\u2019atkor kelibdi-da, deb o\u2018ylashi mumkin edi. Amakim xumor qilib o\u2018tirdi. Faqat to\u2018y yarimlaganda uning avzoyi buzildi. Buzilgandayam yomon buzildi. O\u2018tirgan joyida qo\u2018shiqchi bolani shu qadar bo\u2018ralab so\u2018kdiki\u2026 Bechora bola shalpayib, keng davra ichida mulzam bo\u2018lib qoldi. Hamma olazarak bizga qaraydi. Men zo\u2018r berib amakimga yopishaman. U shirakayf g\u2018ijinib so\u2018kinadi: \u201cQo\u2018shiqni bilmasang aytmaginda he\u2026\u201d O\u2018sha kuni to\u2018ydan juda holsiz qaytdik. Men bu voqeadan allanechuk og\u2018ir bo\u2018lib oldinda borar, amakim bo\u2018lsa, \u201cQo\u2018shiqni buzdi bachchag\u2018ar, qo\u2018shiqni buzib aytdi\u201d deb tinmay g\u2018uldirab kelardi.<\/p>\n

V<\/p>\n

Men qo\u2018shiqni yolg\u2018iz o\u2018zim eshitishni yaxshi ko\u2018raman. Agar yonimda birov bo\u2018lsa bezovtalanaman. Ma\u2019shuqasiga sevgi izhor etayotib bexos begona nigohga nazari tushgan oshiqdek o\u2018ng\u2018aysizlanib qolaman. So\u2018ng xijolatdagi oshiq holida begona nigohni boshqa xonaga boshlab kiraman.<\/p>\n

VI<\/p>\n

Xonandalar ko\u2018p. Lekin\u2026 Balki, menga shunday tuyular. Har holda qo\u2018shiq aytish bilan qo\u2018shiq aytishning farqi bor. U \u201cBirinchi muhabbatimni\u201d aytganda deyarli o\u2018spirin bo\u2018lgan. Ehtimol uning o\u2018sha paytlari iqtidori, mahorati bugungidek yuksak bo\u2018lmagandir. Ammo u bu tuyg\u2018uni yashagan, boshidan kechirgan. Yo\u2018qsa, qo\u2018shiq bu qadar yashay olmasdi. Ko\u2018pchilik esa qo\u2018shiq uchun chiroyli ovoz, kuy va she\u2019rning o\u2018zi kifoya deb o\u2018ylashadi. Menda qo\u2018shiq kuylayotgan xonandalar ikki xil taassurot uyg\u2018otadi. Biri shoir iztirobini yo\u2018l-yo\u2018lakay birovga hikoya qilib ketayotgan yo\u2018lovchi. Ikkinchisi esa \u201cIstaganlar bizni sahroi balodan istangiz\u201d deya kimsasiz sahro tomon telbavor talpinayotgan junun. Jununda kibr bo\u2018lmaydi. Xudbinlik va riyokorlik ko\u2018chasidan yurmaydi junun va biz shuning uchun ham uni sevamiz, unga talpinamiz.<\/p>\n

VII<\/p>\n

\u2026Sa\u2019nat va san\u2019atkor degan so\u2018zlar bor. Buning ma\u2019no va mohiyati ko\u2018pchilikka ma\u2019lum. Lekin bu so\u2018zlar bizda shu qadar ko\u2018p ishlatiladiki, haqiqiy san\u2019atkorni nima deb atashni bilmay kalovlanib qolamiz. Negaki, biz har qanday otarchiyu, teatr yoki kinoda o\u2018tkinchi rol ijro etadigan odamniyam, haqiqiy iste\u2019dod egasiniyam bir xil, san\u2019atkor, deb ataymiz. Ehtimol, u shunchaki, artist yoki aktyordir. Yo\u2018q, biz barchasini bir xil san\u2019atkor deb ataymiz. Chunki, tovush mavjud ekan, so\u2018z tugunmasdur, deb o\u2018ylaymiz.<\/p>\n

VIII<\/p>\n

Gohida\u2026 Odam taftini odam ololmaydi. Millionlab odamlar orasida zerikasan. Har kuni minglab, hissiz, hayajonsiz ko\u2018zlarga duch kelasan. Ularga qarab muomala qilasan. Tavoze bilan tabassum hadya etasan. Lekin baribir yolg\u2018izday his etasan o\u2018zingni. Ikki qo\u2018lingni bo\u2018m-bo\u2018sh cho\u2018ntagingga solib, boshingni yelkalaring orasiga olib shahar ko\u2018chalarini kezasan. Daraxtlar va turli raqamlar chaplab tashlangan simyog\u2018ochlar uzra jim odimlaysan. Qarshingda yuzlab, minglab to\u2018rva qo\u2018ltiqlagan, yo\u2018lning shundoq yoqasiga rasta yoyib, hayqirib molini maqtayotgan odamlar chiqadi. Ulardan tortinib qo\u2018llaringni cho\u2018ntagingdan sug\u2018urib olasan. Bo\u2018m-bo\u2018sh qo\u2018l havoda gizlanib-gizlanib yana cho\u2018ntakka kiradi. Chunki uni sen shunga mahkum qilgansan. Behuda va bemavrid harakatlanishiga izn bermaysan. Zerikayotganingni sezgan qo\u2018llar tipirchilaydi. Sen esa tishingni tishingga bosib uyga yo\u2018l olasan. Yetib kelib charchoq tanangni kursi ustiga tashlaysan. Itoatkor va sodiq qo\u2018llaringni cho\u2018ntagingdan bir-bir sug\u2018urib, stol ustiga qo\u2018yasan. Qo\u2018llaring sendan imo kutmay magnitofon sari yo\u2018naladi. Ohista uning tugmachasini bosadi. Xonandaning o\u2018tlig\u2018 ovozi yangraydi.<\/p>\n

Kecha oqshom falakda oy<\/p>\n

bo\u2018zarib botganda,<\/p>\n

Ruhimda bir ma\u2019yuslik,<\/p>\n

sokinlik uyg\u2018otganda,<\/p>\n

Men seni esga oldim, birinchi<\/p>\n

muhabbatim,<\/p>\n

Eslab xayolga toldim, birinchi<\/p>\n

muhabbatim…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

P.S: Mazkur esse 1995 yil \u201cOila va jamiyat\u201d gazetasida chop etilgan. E\u2019tibor bergan bo\u2018lsangiz asarning biror joyida Sherali Jo\u2018rayev nomi tilga olinmagan. Ma\u2019lumki, u davrlarda hofiz nomi o\u2018zbek matbuotida tilga olinishi cheklangan edi.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

O’ROL SODIQ \u00a0I \u2026Mening qisman bir-ikki narsaga haqqim bor bu hayotda. Men siz aytgandek emas, o\u2018zimga o\u2018xshab kun ko\u2018rishni istayman. Mayli, odamovi bo\u2018lay. \u201cTelbaroqmi?\u201d deb shubhalaning. Lekin mana shu yangrayotgan qo\u2018shiqni eshitib jilmayolmayman. O\u2018zimning ustimdan kulishga majbur etmang meni, birodar. Bunday deyishga haqqim bor. Siz esa bilganingizni qiling. Chunki sizning ham qisman haqqingiz bor. Ana, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":470,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"tdm_status":"","tdm_grid_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[26,23],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-468","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-portret-esse","8":"category-publitsistik"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/468","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=468"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/468\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":471,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/468\/revisions\/471"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/470"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=468"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=468"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esselar.uz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=468"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}